The Journey. It’s Mine. [My personal take on love, life, parenting and blogging.]

All this ‘holiday’ is making me feel a little homesick. Would have been nicer to be home and eat some home-cooked meals. I truly miss my mother’s cooking, what will all the crap I’ve been eating lately. No time to cook that’s all. One of the downsides of having a day job I guess.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the few days off work due to the Holy week, been catching up on some much-needed rest and sleep. Of course there’s apartment stuff to take care of and some reading on Mesothelioma and other stuff.

The summer heat can certainly be felt around here especially on a Good Friday. Would have been nice to relax on a beach somewhere. Some other time perhaps. Real relaxation is a ‘luxury’ I cannot afford just yet. He he.

Home before dusk for a change. Long day went too fast, too many things went on  — some of them a blur to me at the moment. Sort of difficult in some ways but mostly challenging days and stuff ahead of me, that’s for sure.

Who knows what really lies ahead? I’m done projecting and worrying about things that aren’t here yet. Old cliche, yes. But at the moment I take each day as it comes. And when it’s over I don’t over-analyze it anymore. What’s done is done. And the moments that passed? I won’t have a way of taking any of it back.

So I do my best to start clean each morning when I get up. No yesterdays. No tomorrows either. Enjoy each moment while you still can. The one you hugged today could be gone tomorrow. Nobody knows really. After all, each day could be your last too.

(written 12/22/10 while inside W’s shuttle bus)

At the shuttle bus stop awhile ago, I was given the rare opportunity to take a quick peek at the beautiful moon. It was still dark at around 0545H, as it usually is in front of W-Mart.

Normally I would complain that the place isn’t a safe bus stop for anybody, much less for a woman commuting alone daily. For some reason the light posts are always busted in that area or maybe they keep the lights off so that bus truck drivers can have some much needed power naps while they park?

But I didn’t mind all that today – not even the stinking smell of pee that drivers litter the place with – simply because the full moon caught my attention. I’ve just never seen one so beautiful.

MSNBC’s Clara Moskowitz wrote:

A blood-red moon hung in the black sky on the darkest night of the year.

This week’s total lunar eclipse was the only one this year and the only one in the last 372 years to coincide with the winter solstice in the Northern Hemisphere, which marks the longest and darkest night of the year.

And I thought I was good with words. But there were just no words to describe what I witnessed. How I wish I had a camera with me, I suddenly missed the Blackberry I sold last week.

From its white brightness that’s almost luminous, in a span of a few minutes (maybe even seconds), the moon turned opaque white to a slightest tinge of yellow.

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Once more, it is the holiday season and we all get caught up in the festivities, the never-ending shopping sprees, the gift-giving and all the material things that we want for Christmas. Amidst the beautiful trees and wreaths, the glistening colorful lights that adorn every home and the numerous parties that need attending to…we often forget the true essence of Christmas and the things that really matter.

It’s not about how beautiful your Christmas tree is this year, it is more about the loveliness of the hearts of the persons that put up and adorned that tree. It’s not about who’s got the brightest, most colorful and high-tech Christmas lights in the neigborhood, but it is more about whether you have ever shed light over those that are groping in the dark.

It is certainly not about the parties, the food and the gifts but it is more about essential things that feed the spirit, warms the heart and lifts the soul.  

What matters the most is that you have a loving family to come home to every night. In case you live away from them, you get huge consolation in the fact that they are just a phone call, a text message or an FB status away. I never thought that short lines such as “Pauwi ka na siguro…ingat. I love you.” , “Sleep well now, work bukas. I love you.” and “Mama I miss you, I love you.” could mean so much before now.

So much that I feel a whole lot richer than the 740-M lotto winner.

That’s my current status, mode, whatever you call it.

Anxiously hoping for the big change that I know is gonna come.

Anxiously hoping for the little daily miracles that I know is gonna happen.

Anxiously hoping that I get a good night’s sleep tonight…

…because when you get too anxious like this, the butterflies in your stomach is not helping you sleep!

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Look what routing mess Smart Bro got!

Trace 1

Trace 2

Trace 3

Throughout life, we sometimes find ourselves drifting with the tide. Sometimes bouncing like balls in many different directions. In the real world, some of us needed to walk down winding roads that never seem to go anywhere while some needed only a bit of luck to end up in the right place at the right time.

Fortunate are those who have figured out that they can fly long before they could walk. Fortunate are those who have found their other halves long before they realized what an other half really means.

Most fortunate are those who realized that they can still make something good out of the rotten tomatoes that life has been throwing at them. However, some of us are just too unfortunate to be growing tomatoes when the world needed apples instead. Either way, you still end up with rotten tomatoes!

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Sometimes I wish I have my own car. So we don’t have to stay the night in the city and just go home to the barrio every afternoon after Raine’s class — where the air is fresh and the temperature is a lot cooler. One year of living in this tree-less city and I haven’t gotten used to how hot temperatures here can get.

However, the way things are going with our finances right now and me spending most on meds and docs, driving my own car is farthest at the back of my head. As they say, maintaining a car is just like having another baby — what with expenses on its general maintenance, the rising cost of gasoline and car insurance.

But if I’d allow myself to think way ahead, I’ll get my own house in the city first before getting a car. With the many jeepneys and tricycles around here (kahit walang taxi!) we can still survive without a car. Di ba??

It is with a heavy heart that I did stuff in the house since Raine and I arrived this afternoon. I soaked a few laundry items and thought of you…I thought of how you used to do them that by the time I get up at 5 am they’re all clean and hanging nicely in the bathroom.

When I had coffee earlier, I even forgot to boil water just for one. Silly me! But that’s the truth of it. Then I ironed Raine’s uniforms and realized you do them a lot better than I do. I hope I told you that? Even our kitchen sink misses you doing the dishes on it…

A, I’ll always appreciate all that you did around the house in the last 2 months you’ve been here, just because you didn’t want me too tired nor stressed out. (Or maybe just because I’m too damak for it all?) I appreciate it either way, though.

My right side of the computer table will never be the same again without you (and your laptop!) in it…

You haven’t been gone 2 days yet but this ‘hell hole’ of a house will never be the same again.

Water has been scarce in the past week in our city house. First, there must really be a water shortage even in this provincial city. Second, the owner of the house we are renting died 10 days ago (he was 93).

So there was some sort of ‘family reunion’ at his wake which was held in the main house (the landlady’s house). Therefore a lot of people are using the water in the said house, practically 24/7.

Moen kitchen faucet or not, it still can get annoying when tap water suddenly disappears in the middle of washing the dishes or doing the laundry.We have a drum for storing water at night for our water consumption in the morning. What with Raine going to school and all…

Mornings have always been a battleneck with water. Since our water pipes are connected to the main house’s water meter, we are kind of dependent on their water consumption. If their taps are open,water doesn’t make it to our house. It’s that simple.Water pressure problem really. Oh, and volume too!

Times like  these, I really do miss the high-pressured hot water coming out of the tap in LB! Hayyy…

It’s just Saturday and this weekend is already too hot for us. I guess we are not going to fully enjoy this long weekend. Times like these, I really wish it is raining hard. As in heavy downpour but without the strong winds, okay?

Anyways…my ‘housemates’ are all very grumpy. Can’t blame them though. Even taking an afternoon nap can indeed be very stressful.

Where is the rain?? We need you sooo badly!