The Journey. It’s Mine. [My personal take on love, life, parenting and blogging.]

Earlier this year, I mentioned that Raine is partly toilet trained. He has progressed more in that department since then. I could actually take him with me (to the grocery and somewhere else) without having him wear a diaper. He’s still terrified of sitting on the potty though (much more the toilet) but he at least informs you clearly if he’s about to poop.

Last night, we ran out of stock of diapers. Too lazy to run to the nearest store, I talked Raine into sleeping with just his pajamas on (sans the diaper). He took a leak (at the toilet!) a couple of times before going to bed and I reminded him firmly not to wet his bed and to get up and wake me up if he needs to pee in the middle of the night. As contingency, I inserted a rubber mat under the sheet on his side of the bed and placed an extra folded sheet on top of it. It was like our mantra before we went to sleep: “huwag mag-wiwi sa bed, sa cr lang. gisingin si mommy pag wi-wiwi. Ganun ha? ok mommy, ganun. ok Raine, usapan yan ha?”

Like me Raine sleeps like a log, so I really didn’t expect that he’ll have the will to get up on unholy hours in the night even for a pee. So I actually spent the whole night sleeping lightly, checking every hour or so for a wet bed. To my surprise. It didn’t happen, Raine did well. For the first time he spent the night without diapers, without wetting his bed. Hooray! He was just a little grumpy when he got up this morning at around 6:30, I needed to carry him to the toilet to pee, and he peed a lot!

I’ve been slack with Raine’s toilet training. Doing it actually poses more challenge to me that it is for Raine. Letting your toddler wear a diaper all the time is just too convenient (even if it hurts your budget sometimes), way too convenient I may even let him wear it ’til he’s five or so. (I know, I’m such a lazy mom!)

Anyway, last night was a first for the two of us, it’s definitely something new that Raine accomplished with flying colors. One thing that I want to do each night after that. Wish us luck!

When I applied to be a blogger at About Weblogs, I originally suggested single parenting as a topic. But then it’s a topic too competitive and broad, prolifically existent in the web. Shai convinced me that I can do a philippine culture blog, with the aim of showcasing the Philippines not for the purpose of traveling but to reflect the Filipino way of life, not only to Filipinos but especially to non-Filipinos who would be interested. When Mabuhay!: The Philippine Culture Blog went live in August, then being the first Filipina (aboard the network) based in the Philippines (now there’s another one, Connie of the Online Journalism Blog) I already had sure readers from the network itself with 6 other Filipinas based in several parts of the world (U.S, Germany, Australia, New Zealand). Time flies when you’re blogging, I’ve recently published my 100th post!

Then the girls of About Weblogs brainstormed on the concept of Alpha Moms Worldwide that hoped to gather mothers from different walks of life without being competitive about each other’s varying states and ways of motherhood but would instead encourage and empower one another irregardless of one’s demography, cultural background or financial and marital status. That very concept gave gave birth to EMothersOnline.

This got me all dreamy. If blogging can already sustain us for a living, maybe I’d quit this day job (that I both hate and love) and do more blogs in agriculture or chemistry and maybe even entertainment. Let’s just wait and see, who knows? Nothing is impossible, right?

And I’m starting to hate it. Especially at this time of the year when people are starting to feel the holiday rush together with year-end report rush. Bad combination. Terrible. My son not only got spoiled with 200% attention, I’m almost choking down my throat with single parenting, if that is even possible. Raine’s tuesday-separation-anxiety is worse than its Monday counterpart. It is even worst at my end for I had to get back to work more guilty than usual.

Yesterday was worst of them all: I spent half the day in a (boring) science meeting without having enough coffee in my system. Then I can’t even remember what I ate for lunch (except that there was rice in it!) because I wobbled it in less than 10 minutes so I can sit down through the rest of my lunch break with hundreds of emails that are equally important: work and off-work (problogging).

Blog readers are easier to please I guess. Anyway, if I get a nasty comment, then I’ll just have to delete and ignore it completely. But my real boss here is a difficult one to please. Especially if the data you produced is not what he was expecting. I believe that the greatest scientific breakthroughs weren’t accomplished by a one-shot experimental set-up. It’s just too bad when some scientists are looking for one-hit wonders.

Argghh…I’m sure I won’t notice it but It’ll be Friday once more.

I went out Saturday night to take out (a month’s!) trash. Then I spent the whole weekend nursing a muscle pain that turned into a hard knot in my right shoulder blade. (Don’t ask why I let the darn garbage accumulate for a month.) However much I ranted about coping well and good (and being happy) without a “man” in the house (and my life), I still believe that taking out the trash is a man’s job in any household. The garbage bag I took out last Saturday must have weighed more than 20 kilos (Raine is about 20 kilos and I have no problem carrying him!) I couldn’t even lift the black bag I had to drag it some 10 to 15 meters outside the compound (where our apartment is) at a point where the garbage truck can pick it up.

A good friend asked me recently what I looked for in a man. If I were 10 years younger I would have came up with a long list that revolves mostly in some girlish fantasy of an ideal man sweeping me off my feet; looking into whose eyes made time stand still and living together happily ever after.

But I am 32, with a 3-year old child in my sole care and terrible at making ends meet: and I’ve already learned (the hard way) that kisses aren’t promises and that making love doesn’t bind one’s soul to another. So I cheekily quipped that I want somebody financially stable and really sweet and special who will love my son more than he loves me; who’ll be a real father to him and take care of us our whole lives. Blah…blah…blah…I guess the usual single mother’s dream of an ideal man…the list goes longer.

If I take a look at that list, I’d guess he hasn’t been born yet. Nobody comes in one perfect package. You know what I just want? A sweet caring man whose eyes I will feel on me even when I’ve looked away. A man caring enough to know the nitty-gritty details of me: a man who’ll look deep into my dark brown eyes and tell me that they’re actually amber near the iris and they turn almost green when I look into the sun.
(Yeah, somebody into that kind-a-detail even if my eyes are the darkest brown there is and can’t probably change its colors.)

What is it with men and garbage anyway? He he.

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By the way, I’m blogging about motherhood somewhere else: Empowering Mothers Online is just born. For those who care, read the intro I wrote. Now maybe I can blog less about Raine here and more about me? Ha ha.

So rare are those weekends when Raine and I get to socialize. Sometimes the ones that turn out the most fun are the impromptu, unplanned kinds.

Sunday swimming (at Lucidel Resort, Calauan, Laguna) with my good friend and former housemate (now neighbor) Ging (with daughter MJ in the photo, her hubby Jojo was behind the camera).

It has been 5 days since the “network marriage” (see my previous post) but I’m still giddy with blogger’s block I haven’t posted anything here afterwards. I’ve been busy catching up and most of the time just lurking at the B5 media private forum. I’m just so overhelmed with the many intelligent, talented, wonderful persons out there. And I never felt closer to my sisters at About Weblogs than I do now.

It’s really a wacky, geeky blogging world out there. I may not understand half of what those guys are talking about, I am just too happy somebody else is taking care of the techy part. I’ll just keep the muse alive. I hope!

So if you don’t see something new here, head on over at my Philippine Culture blog.

We spent the Halloween break here at LB. For some reason we are not yet allowed to visit my father’s tomb because he has not been dead 40 days yet. Don’t ask me, I don’t why. (I haven’t googled it yet.) In connection to that, a novena for his soul starts tomorrow, for 9 days. The 9th day being the 40th day of his death, locally called pasiyam. So I decided to stay put and catch on lost sleep and rest. Though very hard to do with Raine around, I guess I made the most out of the extended weekend.

It rained heavily most of the time anyway, our activities were limited to watching videos, reading and well just goofing around the house which was actually more of a riot. We took long walks on those afternoons when Mother Nature decided to take short breaks and turned off the rain valves. Everyday we went to church and lighted a candle for ‘Pa, we lighted one at home, once each night since 31st October.

Meanwhile my mother celebrated her 57th birthday last Saturday (29th Oct). We tried our best to cheer her up on her special day, I allowed Raine to talk to her a little longer on the phone. Later she sent me an SMS that this was her saddest birthday. I can’t blame her. Anyway, on the 31st my brother Gary left to join his bulk vessel currently dry docked in Vietnam. He started working 1st November, his 31st birthday. While his wife and kid decided to stay in Bulacan, at my sis-in-law’s family. The twins are staying with my mother now, they’re transferring schools too; we gave them no choice. The only thing I don’t like about long weekends is that Raine gets used to having me around the house it’s difficult to get back to work afterwards; he gets separation anxiety once more. He bawled when I left this morning. Well, that’s our life.

Off topic: Pinoy.Travel.Blog went live today.

Ahh…getting back on track of things is one hard work. One week wasn’t enough to clear the mess on my office table or at least get it to some semblance of orderliness. I just lost a father which made me believe that my life will never be the same again. Yet my son Raine is a constant reminder that our life goes on. He is growing so fast, the neighbors (who haven’t seen him in 2 weeks) can’t help noticing and ask what I’ve been feeding him lately. To such a question, I only wish I could retort: “A good stock of hay, what else!?”

Any guess as to what Raine is doing in this photo?

How do you break to a 33-month old that the only Lolo he has known just passed away?

He thought our ride home was just a big adventure where a family reunion is waiting at the end. He has never met so many other lolos and lolas, titos and titas, kuyas and ates all at once.

Though I somehow got him convinced that Lolo is now sleeping permanently in peace, never to wake up and has joined Jesus, he has never forgotten to tell everyone who asks him that Lolo has died and is now 6 feet under the ground ( patay na Lolo, andun na siya sa lupa) in his own words. During the wake, he was his usual ala-starstruck kid behavior to the delight of the whole family.